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>question accusations of heterosexuality
Equius Zahhak[♐] CT fiddlesticking wrote in sirenspull
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001. ♐ [te%t.]
D --> I would really like to react in abject disbelief, but with recent events as they are
D --> I am unfortunately not in any position to e%hibit incredulity
D --> Fine
D --> I can tolerate more timestream ripping f001ishness
D --> This is certainly a more
D --> Fortuitous set of circumstances than I was previously involved in


['Distinctly not dead' was always an improvement upon 'very much dead'.]

D --> I admit such former circumstances were quite a bit warmer, though
D --> Er
D --> Not that the temperature is
D --> A problem
D --> To be honest it is rather, ah, bracing
D --> As I am completely comfortable with the frozen condensation particle things everywhere
D --> And not at all bothered by my lack of sleeves
D --> My impressive knowledge of intergalactic meteorology aside
D --> Would any residents of my previous universe make themselves known
D --> Nepeta, if you are


[a pause, some hurried backspacing]

D --> Also, to any native residents of this planet, I e%tend a greeting
D --> I am Equius Zahhak, esteemed noble of the Most Glorious and Tyrannical Alternian Empire
D --> Well, former Empire
D --> I guess
D --> Under more favorable circumstances we'd be meeting on a battlefield while this place burns
D --> Though I udder to admit the times have not been very favorable, and for that I am truly sorry
D --> Perhaps the customary duels of STRENGTH can still be arranged, however
D --> As whoever assaulted these hivestems seems to have done some impressive damage

You do realize you're sounding like a complete tool, right? Lay off the formalities for once and may8e someone will give you the time of day!
Oh yeah, welcome to Canada.

D --> I am equally underwhelmed to be in your presence again as well
D --> Hi
D --> Do e%plain how first contact with a new host of Earth beasts doesn't call for formalities
D --> I am e%actly two ears

voice forever

Uh- you spelled object wrong. Uh, huh huh huh. There's a k in it. [ LMAO yep didn't even get through the first line. tl;dr ]

voice

[oh BH grrl you done did it]

No. I did not.

Also, you will cease making that reprehensible noise.

voice

Uh- make me, butt-knocker. Uh, huh huh huh.

What sort of vile thing is a butt-knocker.

Inform me at once.

Uh- just, like, take a look in the mirror, dill-weed. Uh, huh huh huh.

WOW WH4T 1S 1T W1TH US 4ND R4MBL1NG
S3R1OUSLY TH3 C4N4D14NS 4R3NT GO1NG TO C4R3


D --> Oh
D --> Is that rambling
D --> I did not notice
D --> I was merely making a formal introduction

D --> Is Canadian the proper word for the inhabitants of this territory

W3LL YOU DO K1ND OF C4RRY ON >:]

Y3S 4ND NO!
C4N4D14NS 4R3 MONST3RS
TH3Y COM3 OUT 4T N1GHT
34T TROLLS
TH3Y 4R3 SO STRONG TH4T 3V3N YOUR3 NOT 4 M4TCH FOR TH3M

[STRONG YOU SAY.....]

D --> Goodness
D --> This is quite intriguing information, Pyrope
D --> Are they perhaps
D --> Some caliber of musclebeast
D --> Or the Earthly analogue thereof

[ oh god why ]

OH
GROSS
NO
NOT R34LLY


D --> How is that gross
D --> It certainly disappointing news but it is far from gross

NO
1
W4S
TH1NK1NG OF SOM3TH1NG 3LS3
N3V3RM1ND
TH3 PO1NT 1S TH4T TH3YR3 D4NG3ROUS 4ND YOU SHOULD ST4Y 4W4Y FROM TH3M

D --> So you're saying they don't resemble massive, e%quisitely powerful fauna in the slightest

[If Equius were less of a noble gentleman, he'd totally be busting out the frowny face emotes right now.]

D --> Whatever do these creatures 100k like then

[ sobbing to herself oh no how did she get into this conversation ]

W3LL OK4Y M4YB3
SOM3 OF TH3M DO???
1 DONT KNOW 1 D1DNT R34LLY LOOK TOO H4RD


[ HAHAHA GET IT??? ]

H3Y GU3SS WH4T
N3P3T4S H3R3!


Edited at 2012-01-20 08:15 am (UTC)

D --> Oh, right
D --> Your eye affliction thing
D --> Honestly though what is the point of a misdire%ion if you're just going to tell the truth shortly after
D --> You ought to leave the deception to the professionals, Pyrope


[All that nattering on was mostly to avoid addressing the really important aspect of this conversation. Because wow shit did he ever feel guilty about that.]

D --> Is she really
D --> Do not toy with me in regard to such matters

( text )

hahaha oh man
i was hoping and praying youd show your creepy mouthbreathing mug around here eventually
it was only a matter of time before canada would find it necessary to add one more to the all you can eat buffet plate of hilarious alien horseshit
lets all just dig right in
dont even bother putting a goddamn bib on and fuck silverware
just have at it

te%t!


D --> Er
D --> I will not be partaking of this e%cremental feast
D --> Nor your very unpleasant metaphor that is stopping this instant

[voice]

[Most of the time, he doesn't bother with these. They're far too weird and the writing doesn't make sense half of the time, but there was that bit toward the end of this....]

Sorry--are you issuing a challenge? [A beat.] And it's called snow, by the way.

[voice]

[The voice that crackles on the other end of the feed is prim and sedate and confident and all sorts of other good adjectives, but the effect might be dampened by the fact it sounds so, well, young. He's not going to let a voice crack ruin some intergalactic manliness, though.]

Absolutely. [So very pleased about the idea.] It is the only proper manner in which to greet an alien race. I take it this is an acceptance of that challenge?

[He pauses.]

I -- I knew that. I know what snow is. There's no need to take such a pedantic tone with me.

...Unless you want to, of course.

I Would Not Issue Challenges If I Were You
The Canadians Seem To Be Quite Aggressive And Also More Or Less Impervious Even To Excessive Strength


[Yes she can get in on this trolling too...]


D --> Are they really
D --> Oh dear


[There's a distinct pause between his messages.]

D --> Tell me, Maryam, as Pyrope's blindness has been no help on the matter
D --> Whatever do these immensely STRONG Canadian creatures 100k like

hello equius
youll be happy to know that most of the others are already here!
including nepeta who may soon contact you upon notice of your network post
though as good catching you up on the situation is i suggest you find some shelter at the sound of the sirens
the canadians can get quite persistent and dangerous

OH MY GOD, SHUT UP AND STOP TYPING LIKE A FUCKING TOOL.
NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE FACT YOU'RE THE BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG OF ALTERNIA WHO EVER SET FOOT ON THE HUMAN PLANET.
OK FINE, I CAN THINK OF ONE OTHER OFF THE TOP OF MY THINKPAN WORSE THAN YOU'LL EVER BE, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
WE DON'T NEED ANY OF YOUR *STRONG* HERE RIGHT NOW.
AND UH, NEPETA IS HERE ALREADY.

voice.

'Greetings to you as well,' says Wordsworth.

[Tone shifts a little toward concern.]

'You should find yourself warmth and shelter,' says Oscar.

'And those towers would not be the place to find it,' says Wilde.

text;

what is that thing starting your sentences?
the uh d dash dash thing?

Re: text;


D --> It is my noble bow and arrow
D --> Obviously

oh



why a bow and arrow?

not that i'm hassling you
or anything

(Deleted comment)
D --> Oh dear
D --> I wasn't saying I would burn the place down, goodness no
D --> I was merely stating that under better circumstances for the Empire, it would have been burning by the time I got here
D --> You know, if the Empire wasn't presently a galaxy-wide mausoleum or whatever
D --> And we were still in the good business of enslaving alien planets
D --> That's all


[He is being so very reasonable right now.]

D --> Also
D --> Thank you ever so much for the information
D --> About Nepeta
D --> I am her moirail
D --> If
D --> You even know what word means

?

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